I received a job offer from a company that recruited me, but compensation wasn’t discussed until the offer arrived—and it matched my current salary, despite the new role being in a much higher-cost city. When I asked HR about it, the response was aggressive (“If you don’t want it, we’ll bring someone else”). I ended the conversation by saying I’d think about it, but I’m unhappy with both the compensation and how HR handled the discussion. I still want the job and see it as a smart career move. Should I raise this with the hiring manager, and how should I approach that conversation, given that I’ve been told HR controls the budget?

My boss talks a lot about creating psychological safety, but honestly, I feel uncomfortable in a lot of our conversations. They feel awkward, sometimes tense, and not very safe. How do I deal with what feels like hypocrisy from my her?

I have been with my husband for twenty-five years and I am fed up with his gaslighting! I don’t think he knows he does it, but when I try to talk about it, he gets defensive. Whenever we disagree about something, he walks off muttering to himself. When I ask, “What did you say?” he says, “Oh, nothing.” Or he makes something up. I feel he thinks I’m stupid. How can I address this?

Our son is married to a narcissistic sociopath. (Our mental health professional diagnosed her based on behavior we described.) They have been married for ten years and have three children, aged seven and under. We saw the relationship bombing in the beginning and asked him to rethink the marriage. She has been in attack mode since. She isolates him from family and friends and monitors and controls all aspects of his life. He barely speaks to us. He clams up when we attempt to talk about our concerns. We feel hopeless. How can we have a conversation about our concerns for him and his children?

Our owner and her twin sister seem to think that yelling, threatening, and showing no empathy for employees will get people to reduce errors and work harder. How can I help them know the opposite is actually happening?

How can I have a productive conversation with a colleague when there’s clear tension between us, but I don’t know the cause? I want to keep the discussion calm and focused on facts so we can improve the work environment.

Can people use the skills you teach to manipulate others? I’m a trainer and I frequently get one or two people in a classroom who see the concepts and methods taught as manipulative. I always struggle to answer this question in a way that satisfies skeptical learners. What would you say?

You write a lot about making others feel safe, including bosses. Why would it ever be a subordinate’s responsibility to make their boss feel “safe”? The power dynamic already places the superior in a position of safety. Bosses should already have training to effectively take feedback from those beneath them in the corporate hierarchy without needing their ego fluffed first.

I’m struggling with a longstanding, unresolved issue with my father-in-law. For years I’ve tried to have a Crucial Conversation with him, but he refuses to engage and I’m at a loss for how to move forward. I don’t want a relationship without resolution. My husband is loving and supportive, but we both tend to avoid conflict, and even thinking about this struggle affects our motivation and wellbeing. What should I do?

How do you respond when someone labels or insults people for voting for a specific candidate—for example, implying they’re immoral or unintelligent? This approach often shuts down discussion and discourages people from speaking up to avoid conflict.