How do I deal with a teenager who went on a date without my consent and didn’t come home until the next day? Attempts to talk with her haven’t worked, and I’ve also learned that she smokes. I want her to make better choices and know I’m a safe person to talk to, but I’m struggling to have a productive conversation or influence her behavior. What’s the best way to approach this?
I received a job offer from a company that recruited me, but compensation wasn’t discussed until the offer arrived—and it matched my current salary, despite the new role being in a much higher-cost city. When I asked HR about it, the response was aggressive (“If you don’t want it, we’ll bring someone else”). I ended the conversation by saying I’d think about it, but I’m unhappy with both the compensation and how HR handled the discussion. I still want the job and see it as a smart career move. Should I raise this with the hiring manager, and how should I approach that conversation, given that I’ve been told HR controls the budget?
Our owner and her twin sister seem to think that yelling, threatening, and showing no empathy for employees will get people to reduce errors and work harder. How can I help them know the opposite is actually happening?
You write a lot about making others feel safe, including bosses. Why would it ever be a subordinate’s responsibility to make their boss feel “safe”? The power dynamic already places the superior in a position of safety. Bosses should already have training to effectively take feedback from those beneath them in the corporate hierarchy without needing their ego fluffed first.
I’ve made so many bad choices in the past that I’m in prison now. I love my daughter, and she is really hurt and angry with me. How do I build a relationship with her?
I hear lots of talk—and see lots of evidence—about how divisive the world is becoming. I hate to admit it, but I know I’m part of the problem. I feel an embarrassing amount of satisfaction when a comedian lands a great joke about a political party whose tenets I despise. And if I’m honest, I feel disgust toward people who hold certain positions opposite my own. I know I probably should feel more tolerant, but I don’t really want to. What would you say to me?
My brother is sixty-one and lost his wife ten months ago. He has now bottomed out. I have no idea how to help him. I listen, say what I can. I think he would benefit from grief counseling. He seems to be unable to move forward. He has no children. Is there anything I can do?
I don’t respect my boss as a leader. I know he has his own struggles, but I just don’t like him as a leader. I am fully aware of and even ashamed of my bad behavior. I like my job and my position, but I can’t stand him. What do you recommend? I am the worst version of myself when I interact with him.
Last year I developed a severe drinking problem that negatively affected both my kids, especially my nine-year-old son. He stayed with his dad while I was in rehab. I’m clean and sober now, but he still won’t stay with me, and I’m crushed by this. How can I rebuild trust with him?
Dear Crucial Skills, I have a new supervisor (recently promoted) and we have a difficult history. Previously she trained me, but her training was inadequate, she overloaded me with work, she demanded I complete assignments faster and faster, and she said I was making excuses if I couldn’t. Tomorrow, we have our first one-on-one and …
