I hear lots of talk—and see lots of evidence—about how divisive the world is becoming. I hate to admit it, but I know I’m part of the problem. I feel an embarrassing amount of satisfaction when a comedian lands a great joke about a political party whose tenets I despise. And if I’m honest, I feel disgust toward people who hold certain positions opposite my own. I know I probably should feel more tolerant, but I don’t really want to. What would you say to me?
My brother is sixty-one and lost his wife ten months ago. He has now bottomed out. I have no idea how to help him. I listen, say what I can. I think he would benefit from grief counseling. He seems to be unable to move forward. He has no children. Is there anything I can do?
I don’t respect my boss as a leader. I know he has his own struggles, but I just don’t like him as a leader. I am fully aware of and even ashamed of my bad behavior. I like my job and my position, but I can’t stand him. What do you recommend? I am the worst version of myself when I interact with him.
Last year I developed a severe drinking problem that negatively affected both my kids, especially my nine-year-old son. He stayed with his dad while I was in rehab. I’m clean and sober now, but he still won’t stay with me, and I’m crushed by this. How can I rebuild trust with him?
Dear Crucial Skills, I have a new supervisor (recently promoted) and we have a difficult history. Previously she trained me, but her training was inadequate, she overloaded me with work, she demanded I complete assignments faster and faster, and she said I was making excuses if I couldn’t. Tomorrow, we have our first one-on-one and …
I have a coworker who dominates nearly every conversation. She is outspoken, brash, and often has no filter. Sometimes the things she says are uncomfortably candid. I don’t think she is a bad person, but I often find myself drained after speaking with her. How should I approach this?
I am a consultant and I frequently have clients who try to get more from me than originally agreed upon in a statement of work. This is always difficult to navigate, and I’m not sure how to do so without having problems so I usually just step up and do the work—but at a cost to me. How can I resolve these situations?
Dear Crucial Skills, What advice can you give to a group after someone popular has been let go and there is dissent and frustration? I am not permitted to share the reasons for the decision to let this employee go, and it wasn’t my decision to make, but how do I help my team deal …
My 14-year-old daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes last year and we are always fighting in the home about her sugar levels and eating habits. She screams and shouts and blames us for everything. I try to be firm and not give in to her tantrums, but my husband is disgusted with her and speaks ill of her. I want her to see a therapist, he says she’s a lost cause. This breaks my heart. What can I do?
I recently read Joseph Grenny’s HBR article about being resilient in the face of harsh criticism. His insight was this: look for the grain of truth in feedback and you’ll increase your resiliency. Well, what if there isn’t a “grain of truth?” What if it isn’t feedback, but bullying? Bullies are adept at finding real or perceived weakness in others and exploiting it. In this case, it is not the “weakness” that is the problem, and searching for a “grain of truth” would empower the bully. What is the best way to deal with this?
