Each month we receive dozens of questions from readers earnestly seeking advice on how to handle some of the toughest problems in their lives. Last week I was reading over the questions and noticed that many shared a theme: defensiveness. Almost everyone was dealing with someone who, in their eyes, was VERY defensive, and they didn’t know how to talk to them, influence them, or help them. So I’d like to share what we know about defensive behavior and how you can respond to it.

What can you do if you’ve had successful Crucial Conversations with the same person several times but the behavior persists? We discuss the issues, the conversation goes well, but they never change. How should I handle the next Crucial Conversation, which may be around the corner?

I’m in a relationship where I find myself constantly apologizing and I’m starting to feel like a doormat. Do you have any advice?

How do you ask someone “What is your problem with me?” without prompting a blowup or defensive behavior?

I have a few people on my team that can’t take feedback. They aren’t bad employees, but when I try to give them constructive feedback they curl up in an emotional ball. I even had an employee walk out of the room and go home for the day because they couldn’t handle the feedback. I wasn’t firing them or even putting them on a performance plan. My friends tell me to chalk it up to sensitive “Millennials” and “Zoomers.” It’s true that many of them are junior members of the team, and I’m not sure what to do.