Crucial Skills®

A Blog by Crucial Learning

Crucial Conversations for Mastering Dialogue

Digital Divisiveness

VitalSmarts’ new research study shows that 89% of participants surveyed report damaged relationships as a result of the insensitive or inappropriate use of technology. And yet, most suffer silently.

According to the study of 2,025 people, 9 out of 10 report that at least once a week, their friends or family members stop paying attention to them in favor of something happening on their digital devices. And 1 in 4 say Electronic Displays of Insensitivity (EDIs) have caused a serious rift with a friend or family member.

So what do we do when confronted with such blatant EDIs? According to the research, most of us do nothing. Specifically, 1 in 3 people admit to coping with EDIs by simply ignoring them.

However, what happens when repeat offenders are your spouse, child, best friend, or coworker? Even with close relationships, people still struggle to speak up. In fact, nearly 2 out of 3 have no idea how to effectively reduce the impact of others’ inappropriate use of technology.

Those who say nothing give their silent approval of insensitive and bad behavior. So next time you’re face-to-face with an EDI offender, use your crucial conversations skills to restore civility without damaging common courtesy.

Here are five tips for getting started.

1. Take the high road. Some EDIs are urgent or necessary so assume the best intentions. Empathetically say: “That sounds important. I can come back later if you need to respond to that call or text.”

2. Spell it out. Specificity leads to results. Rather than making vague requests, set specific boundaries. Say: “We need your full attention in this meeting, so please turn off your cell phone.”

3. Illuminate the impact. Describe the consequences of an EDI rather than blast your judgments about another’s moral compass. Say: “Your screen light is disturbing my experience of the performance. Would you please turn it off? Thank you.”

4. Take heart. Don’t measure your influence by whether or not people immediately comply. Your intervention registers as disapproval and helps in the slow establishing of new norms.

5. Let it go. If you’ve employed every tactic and the offender fails to comply, let it go. Unless the situation will continue for an extended period of time or your safety is at risk, you’re better off just moving on.

View the results of our study in the infographic below or click here to download a copy.

See more of our work in the technology industry on our tech page.

You can learn more insights and skills like this in Crucial Conversations for Mastering Dialogue

23 thoughts on “Digital Divisiveness”

  1. msLanei

    Thanks for the strategies and the reminder for my own behaviors.

  2. Digital Divisiveness: Electronic Displays of Insensitivity (EDIs) Take Toll on Relationships - Press Room

    […] author of the New York Times bestseller Crucial Conversations, 87 percent of respondents say electronic displays of insensitivity (EDIs)—or the intrusive or inappropriate use of technology—is worse today than it was just a year […]

  3. Blame Technology for Your Failed Relationships | cloudanalyst.net

    […] (EDIs) take a big toll on relationships, said David Maxfield, co-author of new research on Digital Divisiveness. “Maybe it’s time to change our behavior,” he […]

  4. Blame Technology for Your Failed Relationships - WebPronto

    […] (EDIs) take a big toll on relationships, said David Maxfield, co-author of new research on Digital Divisiveness. “Maybe it’s time to change our behavior,” he […]

  5. ‘Electronic Displays of Insensitivity’ on the Rise | TheBlaze.com

    […] Joseph Grenny’s Digital Divisiveness, 87 percent of respondents reported that electronic displays of insensitivity (EDIs) — i.e., the intrusive or inappropriate use of technology — is worse today than it was just a […]

  6. ‘Electronic Displays of Insensitivity’ on the Rise | PolitiTalk

    […] Joseph Grenny’s Digital Divisiveness, 87 percent of respondents reported that electronic displays of insensitivity (EDIs) — i.e., the intrusive or inappropriate use of technology — is worse today than it was […]

  7. ‘Electronic Displays of Insensitivity’ on the Rise

    […] Joseph Grenny’s Digital Divisiveness, 87 percent of respondents reported that electronic displays of insensitivity (EDIs) — i.e., the intrusive or inappropriate use of technology — is worse today than it was just a […]

  8. ‘Electronic Displays of Insensitivity’ on the Rise «

    […] Joseph Grenny’s Digital Divisiveness, 87 percent of respondents reported that electronic displays of insensitivity (EDIs) — i.e., the intrusive or inappropriate use of technology — is worse today than it was just a […]

  9. ‘Electronic Displays of Insensitivity’ on the Rise | WP1 TCTimes presents The REAL News

    […] Joseph Grenny’s Digital Divisiveness, 87 percent of respondents reported that electronic displays of insensitivity (EDIs) — i.e., the intrusive or inappropriate use of technology — is worse today than it was just a […]

  10. 380buzz.com – ‘Electronic Displays of Insensitivity’ on the Rise

    […] Joseph Grenny’s Digital Divisiveness, 87 percent of respondents reported that electronic displays of insensitivity (EDIs) — i.e., the intrusive or inappropriate use of technology — is worse today than it was just a […]

  11. ‘Electronic Displays of Insensitivity’ on the Rise | TUCSON CULTURE BLOG

    […] Joseph Grenny’s Digital Divisiveness, 87 percent of respondents reported that electronic displays of insensitivity (EDIs) — i.e., the intrusive or inappropriate use of technology — is worse today than it was […]

  12. ‘Electronic Displays of Insensitivity’ on the Rise - Press Room

    […] Joseph Grenny’s Digital Divisiveness, 87 percent of respondents reported that electronic displays of insensitivity (EDIs) — i.e., the intrusive or inappropriate use of technology — is worse today than it was just a […]

  13. Electronic Displays of Insensitivity | SGA

    […] of Insensitivity (also known as the intrusive or inappropriate use of technology).  In a recent study of 2,025 people, nine out of 10 reported that at least once a week, their friends or family members […]

  14. Are Digital Devices Destroying Relationships? [Infographic] - ChurchMag

    […] [via CrucialSkills.com] […]

  15. Are Digital Devices Destroying Relationships? [Infographic] - Your The Man Jesus

    […] [via CrucialSkills.com] […]

  16. How To Get People Off Their Phones In Meetings Without Being A Jerk - Press Room

    […] by inappropriate cell phone use, or Electronic Displays of Insensitivity (EDI). According to a survey by VitalSmarts, 89% of participants said that insensitive use of technology had negatively […]

  17. Angel

    When my friends, family and I go out to eat we pile our phones in the middle and the first one to grab their phone has to pay for half of everyone’s meal for disturbing our time together. lol

  18. 5 Ways Technology Can Improve Your Sex and Your Relationship -

    […] relationships, mainly due to the frequency of people being on their phones in other’s company (Crucial Applications). I would argue, however, that it’s not the tool but how you use […]

  19. 5 Ways Technology Can Improve Your Sex and Your Relationship

    […] generally due to a magnitude of people being on their phones in other’s association (Crucial Applications). we would argue, however, that it’s not a apparatus though how we use […]

  20. 5 Ways Technology Can Improve Your Sex and Your Relationship | healthus.science

    […] primarily because of the frequency of individuals being on their telephones in different’s firm (Crucial Applications). I might argue, nevertheless, that it’s not the software however how you employ […]

  21. Assessment 3 – Digital Project. – bsta @ uow

    […] of the New York Times bestseller Crucial Conversations, a huge 87% of respondents say ‘electronic displays of insensitivity‘ known as EDI’s or the intrusive or inappropriate use of technology is much more […]

  22. 3 Rules for Cell Phone Manners in the Workplace – AMA

    […] Interaction Takes Precedence A survey from VitalSmart reported that 89 percent of people had damaged a relationship due to cell phone […]

  23. Break Through Digital Distractions to Make a Real Connection | Valour Digest

    […] indicate 2 out of 3 people don’t know how to stop others from insensitive technology use. Here are eight ways leaders can unplug from digital […]

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