One of the most humbling—and to me, sacred—experiences I’ve had over the past thirty years has been hearing stories like those of Laura and Jim below. I say “sacred” because I realize more fully now that when we founded VitalSmarts, our mission meant entering some of the most intimate areas of people’s lives. Our goal was to discover key skills and insights that would assist people in solving the important human problems they faced.
I’m trying to follow the chain of command in our organization when presenting ideas and suggestions, but the ideas seem to stop at my boss and never get to the people who would benefit from the suggestion or idea. My boss doesn’t like conflict or change, believes that getting along is more important than addressing issues that might cause conflict, and doesn’t see the value in sharing feedback unless it is to tell people they are doing a good job. How can I motivate my boss to take action on ideas presented to him to improve our organization?
My husband is constantly angry at our fifteen-year-old son. They are always in shouting matches and it drives me crazy. When I walk away from them, my husband says I am “burying my head in the sand.” My husband is very negative and set in his ways, and he expects our son to have the same ideas. My husband also verbalizes his disappointment in our son and tells him he is only concerned with himself. Granted, there are times this is true, but he’s a typical teenage boy. He’s sometimes mouthy, but he’s a good kid, works hard even though he may complain, and is never in trouble anywhere but at home.
My seven-year-old daughter is stuck in a three’s-too-many triangle with two of my neighbor’s daughters. Stakes are high because I don’t want to disrupt ties with my neighbors, but these girls are almost to the point of bullying my daughter.
I recently visited my brother who has suffered from severe anxiety for about a year. He’s getting better but things are still tough for him. I noticed that his wife is very impatient with him and at times, I feel, belligerent. It’s very upsetting for me to see this. I understand that the situation is very difficult for her, but I wonder if I can say or do something to help her be more compassionate. I’m trying not to judge her, but I’m not always successful. What can I do to deal with my own feelings and to help her?
My husband works with his father in their family business, and it has come to light that his dad is doing some illegal bookkeeping, including tax evasion. He says that they would’ve gone out of business had they done things “the right way,” but this has resulted in my husband owing nearly $25,000 of back income taxes.
How do we (or my husband) have a conversation with his dad to get him to understand that going down this path is hurting himself, our family, and their business?
How do you recommend keeping Crucial Conversations alive in an organization once training is complete?
Trainer
I believe it’s paramount to maintain a positive working relationship with all of our potential vendors, whether we use them or not. The goodwill of healthy person-to-person relationships often translates into discounts, freebies, and other considerations that benefit my company in the long run.
My mother-in-law refuses to accept me as part of the family. She talks badly about me behind my back and even refuses to look at me when I walk into a room. For the eight years my husband and I have been together, she has never accepted me for who I am. The one time he tried to talk to her about the situation, she yelled at him, told him she would stay away from him, and hung up the phone. Now that my husband and I are expecting our first child, I would like all of this childish nonsense to stop. Please help!
I recently worked on a very complex and emotional employee issue. I strongly believed the employee needed to be fired—and that was the ultimate outcome—but the employee’s manager and vice president strongly disagreed with me. I stand by my decision, but greatly regret how I bullied my way through our shared experience. I behaved like a bulldozer, insisted on my decision being accepted, and actually lost my temper.
