Dear Joseph, I work as a consultant with churches. I recently had a participant in a group who kept pushing her agenda. Her pressure was impeding the group’s progress. I gently told her she seemed unwilling to move her stake. I acknowledged that we all go there from time to time, then asked her to …
Dear Emily, Much of what is taught about crucial skills seems to work if both people have similar mindsets toward certain principles in life. But when two people are at odds, how can there be any resolution? My wife and I are not retired, but as we have been discussing how to allocate our retirement …
Dear Joseph, I am a single parent with seventeen- and twenty-year-old sons. Over the years, I have, unintentionally and regrettably, shouted quite loudly at my children when they have misbehaved. My twenty-year-old hasn’t seemed to be bothered, but my seventeen-year-old has become emotionally very distant. He has hinted that it is because I always end …
Dear Emily, I am a human resources manager for a large government agency. I am frequently called upon to respond to employees who are unhappy that they were not selected for a promotion. The non-selected employees complain the selected employees are part of the “in crowd.” Often, simply by the tone of the employees’ complaint, …
We’re excited to announce that Steve Willis, a Senior Master Trainer as well the VP of Professional Services at VitalSmarts, will become a regular contributor to the Crucial Skills Newsletter. Dear Steve, I’m a newlywed and my in-laws are very involved in our lives; we see them frequently each month. Although I dated my husband …
A new study by Joseph Grenny and David Maxfield, authors of the New York Times bestseller Crucial Conversations, shows nearly everyone has either seen or suffered from a catastrophic comment. Specifically, 83 percent have witnessed their colleagues say something that has had catastrophic results on their careers, reputations and businesses. And 69 percent admit to …
Dear Joseph, I work at an electric utility company. I work with a group of team members who interact face-to-face with customers under very stressful conditions. When we see customers, we are either turning off their power or turning it back on. Recently, we’ve had issues with these customers turning violent: hitting, attempting to run …
Dear Emily, I have found that participants in long-term relationships tend to keep score in their emotional bank accounts. Over time we may build up a mental image of the other person—often a fictitious persona which is heavily weighted toward the things that bug us most about him or her. The perception of the other …
Dear David, I am a middle manager and have a boss who doesn’t trust one of my employees and—by extension—he doesn’t trust me. My employee has sensed the distrust. Even though this employee meets expectations, does a good job, and is liked by everyone else, my boss seems to dislike her demeanor. I am working …
The following article was first published on December 29, 2004. Dear Kerry, I’m faced with the challenge of training people who are rather low self-monitors. That is, they don’t read social cues particularly well and as a result often annoy or offend others. They tend to push too hard or talk about topics that others …
