Dead Air and How to Survive It: Three Ways to Handle Awkward Silence

“Okay, I hear what concerns you in this video if you’re Anya. But tell me—if you’re Anya here, how do you feel?”

We were debriefing the first video in Crucial Conversations® for Mastering Dialogue, and this group seemed more comfortable talking about thoughts over feelings.

The room was so quiet you could have heard a paperclip drop. Seconds dragged by as I fiddled with my clicker, waited, and breathed. I was just about to give up and move on when one person raised his hand.

“I would feel angry … sad … and hopeless,” he said.

Wow. Just ten seconds to shift from head to heart.

That moment taught me I need to get more comfortable with silence in the training room. How much learner insight had I missed because I wasn’t pausing long enough, especially for the internal processors? I’m an external processor myself and don’t need a lot of reflection time before speaking. But others need space.

Since then I’ve picked the brains of facilitators who skillfully navigate awkward silence. Here’s what I learned.

Set the Tone Early

Establish ground rules. A ground rule as simple as “please participate” encourages learners to share their thoughts. One often-overlooked advantage of a virtual session is that it gives people options: they can unmute or type into the chat.
Affirm participation. As the first person answers a question, call them by name and thank them for setting the tone that we’ll share in class. And if the answer was especially honest or real, thank them for that vulnerability.
Don’t rush the first question. Let silence sit. If you give the group a pass on the very first question, that tone will likely carry over into the rest of the course. Resist the temptation to move along too soon.

Wait

Trust the pause. Internal processors need time, and waiting a few seconds may yield a rich insight or a vulnerable example. As one master trainer told me, “Once I went through that loop a few times, I began to trust in the power of waiting for answers.”
Use a mental countdown. I’ve found it helpful to count my breaths (which ensures I’m not literally holding my breath) while sitting in silence. Another helpful option is to repeat a short mantra. My personal favorite is “one, peace in silence, two, peace in silence.”
Name the silence. Say something like, “I know that’s a big question. I’ll give you a moment to reflect.”
Get comfortable with discomfort. Participants may need to go to the edge of their comfort zone to learn. A wise trainer once told me, “There is no growth in comfort and no comfort in growth.”
Watch the room. Look for non-verbal cues that the group understands the question, and be ready to rephrase or simplify the question as needed. Also scan the room for that person who seems to be on the verge of answering. Sometimes an encouraging smile or eye contact is all it takes.
Ease the pressure. When there isn’t a right or wrong answer, remind learners of that! This might take pressure off the room, especially with a group of high performers who want to get it right.

Have Alternatives for When Waiting Doesn’t Work

Offer examples. Give some sample answers, like, “Would you feel surprised or anxious or maybe even a little excited?” Or offer a simple example from your own career.
Use simple visuals. For a question like, “On a scale of 1–5, if you were Alvaro how safe would you feel right now?” instead ask for a “fist-to-five” assessment and have everyone in the room raise their hand and share their number. Or if the question is “How did Karina do this time?” ask learners to give a thumbs-up, thumbs-sideways or thumbs-down assessment.
Add journaling time. Give learners a minute to write before sharing out loud.
Break into small groups. Reflection and discussion sometimes happen best at their tables or in turning and talking to a partner.
Lighten the mood. Turn silent moments into laughter by saying things like, “This is the group participation part,” or “Our group discussions will be more interesting if we talk.”
Tap into personal motivation. If you are a fan of the Six Source model, you know the power of Source One, Personal Motivation. Engage it with something like, “I know it can be intimidating to speak up in front of the room like this. And yet, one thing I’ve learned over the years is that your moments of deepest learning are going to come when you’re talking, not when I’m talking. I want to give you space to dive deep here.”

What about you?

How do you manage dead air? Please share your thoughts with me and your fellow trainers in the comments section. (I hope you do. I’m over here counting and breathing…)