Dear Crucial Skills,
How do I talk about a promotion that has been promised for many years? Previously I was told the conditions of the country were why I couldn’t be promoted, but I think I have been denied the promotion due to bias towards me.
Signed,
Looked Over
Dear Looked Over,
If you’ve been promised a promotion for years but keep facing delays—especially due to external factors—it can understandably feel frustrating. This can be even more so if you suspect bias may be a factor in the delay. It becomes more delicate as you advocate for yourself without creating tension or making assumptions that might limit your ability to approach the situation with effective dialogue. Here are some ideas to help you prepare for your conversation.
Clarify Your Goal
Before stepping up to the conversation, ask yourself, What do I really want? It may be that your goal is to understand the delay. You may also want to address any unfairness and secure a path forward. Or you may want to have an open discussion about growth opportunities for you in the organization. It’s also important to not damage your working relationship. Staying focused on the big picture, rather than venting your frustrations, will help foster open, productive dialogue, and maintain a strong relationship.
Focus on the Facts
Any time we suspect something like bias, we could easily slip into a world of stories. Stories are our assumptions, conclusions, or interpretations of what we are experiencing. They bring with them a handful of emotions that could impact our ability to have meaningful dialogue. Facts are verifiable and observable. Ask yourself, What have I seen or heard that leads me to believe bias may be playing a factor in my promotion? Be prepared with a collection of facts to support your story.
Frame Your Intent
People often withdraw or become defensive when they feel attacked. Your manager may feel so if you come across as accusatory. Additionally, since bias is a sensitive topic, how you frame the conversation matters. The goal is to invite discussion. Try something like, “I’m grateful for the opportunities and trust I’ve been given over the years. I also wanted to revisit the discussions we’ve had around my promotion. I’d like to better understand where things stand and what I can do to move forward.”
Share Your Facts
If you suspect bias, it’s important to differentiate between what you’ve seen and what you feel. This is where you share what you’ve seen or heard that leads you to believe bias may be at play. It may sound like, “I’ve noticed that other colleagues with similar experience and performance have been promoted, while my promotion has been delayed multiple times. I’ve been told external conditions were the reason. I’d like to explore whether there’s anything else affecting the decision.” Leading with observations (facts) rather than assumptions (stories), not only keeps your own emotions in check, but also creates space for your manager to share their meaning and perspective without getting defensive.
Invite Dialogue
Remember, your goal is to have a discussion, not just a vent session. After you’ve stated your case, ask your manager to share their view: “I would love to hear your perspective and understand how promotion decisions are made and if there are any gaps I need to address.” Focusing on the process rather than your assumption of bias, shows you are open to understanding their reasoning without appearing demanding or complaining.
Explore Solutions Together
Being solution-oriented keeps the conversation moving toward progress and outcomes. Try gaining clarity into next steps with solid timeframes.
“What steps can I take to ensure my promotion happens by the next review cycle?”
“Are there specific milestones or skills I need to demonstrate?”
“If a promotion isn’t feasible right now, are there other ways to grow in responsibility and compensation?”
Be Prepared
One thing to be mindful of is the harsh reality that a promotion may not be a possibility. You may learn through meaningful dialogue that the company doesn’t see you in higher roles. They’ve used the excuse of external factors because they don’t want to lose you in your current role. Having and using good dialogue skills doesn’t always secure the desired outcomes. But it does provide the meaning necessary to help navigate decisions and next steps.
Move Toward Action and Next Steps
Regardless of how the conversation goes, end the conversation by agreeing on clear next steps. This could be a follow-up meeting, a written development plan, or a commitment to revisit the discussion at a specific date. It may also include consideration of other opportunities elsewhere. Make sure to document all agreements to ensure accountability on both ends.
Stepping up to a sensitive issue like a long-overdue promotion can be difficult. It requires a bit of confidence, curiosity, and commitment. Raising concerns about potential bias makes it even trickier. By knowing what you really want, focusing on facts, inviting dialogue, maintaining safety, and exploring solutions, you increase the likelihood of dialogue and the possibility of fair and productive outcomes.
What other suggestions would you offer to help address this sensitive conversation? Please share your ideas in the comments below.
This happened to me once early in my career. I definitely did not have the words to defend/advocate for myself at that time. I ended up transferring to another team within the company around the time that several others on the team left the company or went other directions as well. I ended up getting the raise shortly after but that team wasn’t the right fit either. I started learning to advocate for myself after that. I moved to a new position in another company which led to a better fit somewhere else where I’ve grown more.
If I had advocated for myself, I may have earned the respect of the individual who initially promised the raise but I don’t know if that would have been for the best.
Discriminatory treatment goes beyond a typical crucial conversation. Employment bias is exceedingly common, which is why laws, policies, and enforcement agencies were established at every level to counteract it. Any discussion about bias needs to be substantiated in writing for the protection of the employee, and the primary goal should never be “avoiding tension.”
Use your crucial confrontation skills to succinctly articulate your concern in writing using facts. If you suspect bias, you need to state it plainly in order to be protected under U.S. anti-discrimination laws. That could look like, “I am concerned that I have been denied a promotion based on my age (over 40), sex, race, disability, and/or sexual orientation. I observed that Employee A was promoted with X years of tenure and Y qualifications that are comparable to/less than mine. Can we discuss this in our next one-on-one?”
Even the most professional and gracious tone can evoke tension or outright defensiveness on the part of a manager when broaching this topic, but it is not the employee’s job to coddle their boss’s feelings. Stick to the facts and try to maintain some emotional distance, but don’t gaslight yourself or allow anyone else to gaslight you into denying the obvious.
Working relationships are worth it when you have a basis of respect. An individual operating with bias is not unique, and may need help seeing this in the first instance. However if those things are protected by law, reserve your rights and communicate with written documents and witnesses if required. Intelligence requires you learn about your rights, the best way to communicate them and to note down lessons learned. One potential lesson is that if a job doesn’t offer a promotion within X amount of years, after I’ve made that clear in writing at the interview and or meetings thereafter – I look elsewhere. Dangling carrots only works as long as you prize it. If it is a job like any other, what is keeping you? You may be after security, and working from fear and a need to be liked. These aren’t good places to work from long-term. Find ways to explore these aspects to fine-tune your internal compass.