Dear Crucial Skills,

How would you manage two team members who refuse to work together after missing project deadlines and blaming each other for the failures? Without knowing what caused the underlying conflict, what steps would you take as their supervisor?

Signed,
Stuck Supervisor

Dear Stuck,

Workplace conflict among team members can be one of the most challenging, demanding, and draining issues a leader faces. If left unaddressed, it can lead to missed deadlines, decreased productivity, burnout, stress, turnover, and even affect mental health. It can also lead to poor communication and collaboration.

On the surface, it appears your team members are experiencing typical workplace conflict. There exists a disagreement or clash arising from opposing ideas, interests, or goals, and it’s disrupting work processes and team dynamics. But below the surface there is more at stake. We experience conflict when we perceive a threat to our sense self or our values. In other words, conflict reveals values.

The key to managing team member conflict in the moment is in the understanding of the motives and emotions that people are experiencing during the conflict. But the key to getting past that and truly resolving conflict is in understanding what triggered the conflict in the first place. Conflict triggers reveal what matters to us – and we are most often triggered when something goes against our values. This is why we say that conflict can reveal values. We only go into conflict about things that are important to us. 

Wouldn’t it be great if leaders and team members had a map to help them navigate the difficult terrain of team dynamics, conflict resolution, and poor performance, by better understanding what team members value? When we learn more about what matters to ourselves, and other people, we are more able to anticipate and prevent future conflicts, which strengthens our relationships.

Not too long ago, I was asked to help coach two team members in a similar situation to the one you describe. They were cross-departmental colleagues and their relationship had a high impact on organizational results. A recent exchange between the two left the relationship strained, and leaders were concerned. They asked if I would assist.

I of course immediately began reviewing all the dialogue skills that might help them talk things through. Then, I remembered I had access to a map. I had access to the Strength Deployment Inventory (SDI), our workplace personality assessment that provides insights into relationships. When used as a team, it provides a view of other’s motives, how they experience conflict, their strengths, and how their strengths, if overdone, may trigger feelings of conflict for others.

When I pulled up the profile for each of the two team members, I was certain I would find two very different individuals. Instead, I found more similarities than differences. Their conflict was due to more than just a lack of skill. It was also the result of a lack of awareness. Each was making judgments on the surface—they were reacting to behavior. But a quick glance below the surface, which the SDI provides, gave insights into WHY each was behaving the way they were. Again, conflict reveals values. This allowed me to have a far more productive conversation with each of them, helping them appreciate where each other was coming from. Awareness coupled with dialogue skills expedited our work, contributing to improved results and a strengthened relationship.

If you don’t have access to the SDI, you can learn more about it here. I’d also like to offer a few suggestions that may help regardless.

Be Clear on the Destination and Responsibilities

As a leader, make sure everyone is clear on the goal. Clearly define expectations for the team and for each team member. If roles become blurred, how will you navigate those moments? Who is responsible for what? When will each part of the project need to be completed? How will we support each other and get things done? Clarifying roles and expectations can prevent unnecessary conflict.

Create a Mental Map

If you don’t have access to the SDI, you can create a map in your mind by asking yourself a few questions. This will not only open yourself to empathy and understanding but will also minimize the emotions that often come from the stories we tell ourselves. Also, exploring these questions in a dialogue can reveal what the other person really cares about.

• What motives could be contributing to this behavior?
• Why would a reasonable, rational, decent person behave that way?
• How could this behavior help them feel good about themselves?
• What is the most generous interpretation I could give?

Ask for Directions

While a mental map can be helpful, without a real map, nothing beats asking for directions from someone who knows the area. Visit with each member to ask questions that will help you identify the motives behind their behavior. This can provide valuable insight you can use to help your team navigate the conflict.

• Why is it important to you?
• What do you care most about (on this project, in this relationship, for this team)?
• What most worries you (on this project, in this relationship, for this team)?

One measurement of a leader’s impact and effectiveness is their ability to help their team navigate workplace terrain and manage conflict. If done well, it leads to a smooth ride of collaboration and communication, ultimately arriving safely to your destination of desired outcomes and stronger relationships.

Please share how you’ve used personality assessments (like the SDI) or other ideas to help your team members navigate conflict.

Scott