I have been at my organization for more than thirty years and am the most experienced colleague in my department. I have mentored others and taught them the job functions. I am able to function in various roles when needed and my opinions and suggestions are often sought by others. I consistently receive “exceeds expectations” in my job evaluations. However, I recently discovered a misplaced document that identified all of our salaries; I make less than everyone! I reported this to my manager and she acknowledged that I am a valuable asset to our department that the salary discrepancy was wrong.

I have been through the Crucial Conversations Training and feel confident using the skills. However, sometimes an unexpected, angry attack or accusation surprises me. I feel emotional, get flustered, and do not handle things very well. After the situation is over, I can Master My Stories, but unfortunately the damage is done. What can I do to better deal with the situation in the moment when I can’t get my brain to work?

My seven-year-old daughter is stuck in a three’s-too-many triangle with two of my neighbor’s daughters. Stakes are high because I don’t want to disrupt ties with my neighbors, but these girls are almost to the point of bullying my daughter.

I recently worked on a very complex and emotional employee issue. I strongly believed the employee needed to be fired—and that was the ultimate outcome—but the employee’s manager and vice president strongly disagreed with me. I stand by my decision, but greatly regret how I bullied my way through our shared experience. I behaved like a bulldozer, insisted on my decision being accepted, and actually lost my temper.

I’m the team leader of an increasingly dysfunctional team. Our tasks require a high degree of coordination and we often have to figure out what to do as we go. But we’re stuck in a pattern of arguing and disagreeing, and it derails our ability to get anything done.

Visit the Crucial Skills blog to read Ron McMillan’s response to this question: Can you share some strategies for getting everybody involved in a conference call?

Visit the Crucial Skills blog to read Ron McMillan’s response to this question: How can I help my martial arts instructor improve his business management habits while remaining respectful of his experience?