In September of 1951, when I headed to grade school for the very first time, my mother made an important decision. Since I was now old enough to travel the bogs, trails, and back alleys of Bellingham, Washington (all in an effort to learn the three Rs of elementary school), I was certainly old enough to learn what my mother called “The three Ws of 25th Street.” Which happened to be: work, work, and work.
My mom was a big believer in teaching her boys how to sing for their supper. Unlike many parents who were satisfied once they had taught their kids how to make their beds, my mother wanted me to master a more arduous, less prissy task. In her view, it was high time I learned how to clean the toilet.
Transforming our toilet from a repugnant bathroom fixture into a shining porcelain trophy, wasn’t going to be easy. Not if it was done properly. And you can bet your can of Bon Ami that Mom was going to have it done properly. After all, our toilet was the one household accessary that separated our family from a hillbilly life. We may have lived in a tiny house perched on the edge of a swamp, but by golly when nature called, we would sit on a throne fit for royalty—that is, if I learned how to clean it properly.
My journey into the world of the custodial arts began with a lesson on germ theory, complete with hand-drawn pictures of bacteria and the role they play in causing pandemics. After delivering the microbiology lecture, Mother (always ahead of her time) implemented what social scientists now refer to as “deliberate practice.” She divided the toilet-cleaning job into separate tasks, set clear standards for each one, demonstrated the first task, and then had me copy her movements. After I attempted each component, Mom eyeballed my work from several angles until she found something wrong, at which point she showed me the proper remediation technique and had me replicate what she had just done.
It took me a long time to clean our toilet that day. At first, I thought Mom was unreasonably picky, but I soon learned that there was more to the story—much more. Later that Saturday morning, when three of Mom’s colleagues from work showed up with a deck of cards in hand, Mom immediately ushered them to the bathroom and told them to take a close look at the toilet I had just cleaned—which I might point out was now shining gloriously. You didn’t HAVE to wear sun glasses to stare directly at my sparkling masterpiece, but it helped.
Learning that a mere kindergartener had produced the lustrous toilet now on display in the Patterson’s bathroom jolted Mom’s friends into some sort of genetically triggered admiration response. They couldn’t say enough good about me and my work. The praise that they gushed was the kind that is normally reserved for cakes adorned with fondant kittens chasing pastel butterflies. It certainly wasn’t the reaction you’d expect from three ladies peering into a toilet. But peer they did. Then came a long chorus of oohs and aahs.
This was the reaction my mother was seeking. Lydia had a son who was sure to be a rocket scientist, Elenore was raising a surgeon, Marge’s daughter was a shoo-in at the Seattle Symphony, and Mom—not to be outdone—had a son who . . . well, she wasn’t sure what I would achieve; nevertheless, the glow radiating from our bathroom suggested that I was headed for some sort of acclaim. And now her friends knew it as well.
Finally, as the foursome settled into their card game, Lydia offered the ultimate accolade: “Did any of you get a glimpse of the toilet’s chrome-plated handle?” she asked. “You can see your reflection in the chrome-plated handle!”
Why someone wanted to look at a toilet and see her own reflection staring back at her was beyond me, but even my five-your-old brain understood that doing a repugnant job, and doing it well, garnered a great deal of admiration from the 25th Street crowd.
I was reminded of this incident last week when I met with a group of sixteen-year-old Sunday school students to share tips for succeeding in their summer jobs. At least, that’s the topic our Sunday school president had assigned me to cover, but none of the youth actually had a summer job. They were taking summer lessons—a lot of sports and music lessons. Plus, they would be enjoying extended family vacations. Some were going to Europe.
Granted, participating in these particular summer activities would certainly be beneficial, but they left no time for tasks such as flipping burgers, tending toddlers, or mowing lawns. And unlike my friends and I at the age of sixteen, none of the kids would be picking strawberries, raspberries, and beans—in the blazing sun—and getting paid by the pound.
This is not to suggest that you can’t develop respectable work habits without doing filthy, painful, and strenuous jobs. Surely, practicing the violin for hours every day teaches how short-term sacrifice can lead to long-term gains. Lifting weights while being spurred on by a personal trainer teaches what it feels like to work until it hurts. Receiving detailed instruction from a piano teacher reveals the importance of meticulously practicing techniques. Putting in long hours, pushing yourself, staying focused, mastering methods—all help create a strong work ethic. Right? Then again, I can’t help but think that when it comes to developing healthy work habits—dirt should be involved in some way. I just can’t shake the idea.
In truth, I actually don’t know what to think. It’s not as if we want our progeny to end up in a career that requires a lifetime of back-breaking, filthy work. We encourage the next generation to study hard so that one day they’ll be able to wear cashmere sweaters to “the office” where they’ll sit in sumptuous leather chairs and make important decisions. Nevertheless, I still see the value of teenagers performing jobs that involve muck, sweat, and at least a few disgusting components—executed at a rate that demands an all-out-effort.
At this point you might argue that I’m just an old codger clinging to old ways. Could be. But then I’m reminded of my daughter Rebecca who, at a very young age, learned (from me) the same toilet-cleaning techniques I had learned from my mother. Only in Rebecca’s case, as she practiced scrubbing and polishing, I explained that I wasn’t paying her a cent for the job. Instead, I was giving her the best reward possible: I was imbuing her with an unflagging commitment to working hard. There’s no inheritance greater than that. Nothing you can bequeath your children can serve them better than the willingness and ability to tackle tough jobs. How you go about passing on such a work ethic doesn’t really matter. It just matters that you do.
I fear that all this hard-labor talk sounds suspiciously old-fashioned, but it seems to have served my children well. For example, the other day as our family cleaned a friend’s cabin we had borrowed for a three-day weekend, I caught a glimpse of Rebecca as she feverishly and meticulously cleaned a toilet. It brought a smile to my face. I know it brought a smile because I could see my reflection in the chrome-plated handle.
Love this! Thanks for sharing.
What a great essay – topic but also how it is told. Nice writing here. I don’t have any kids, but if I did I know I too would try and find a balance of teaching them the importance of doing the “grunt work” well and instill a value system like his mother had in him and how he in turn did with his daughter. I don’t think you are being old fashioned and out of touch at all! From where I sit many of today’s teens – the ones that have privileged upbringings – don’t learn basic “Adulting 101,” such as knowing how to sew a button, change a tire, hard-boil an egg, that sort of thing. It’s a shame they just will pay money to get things done; they aren’t self reliant.
Thanks for your essay, I will look for more of them in the future here at Crucial Skills!
Great Story Kerry!
Perhaps you should have been a writer…. of documentaries, not fiction! I got a lot of practice cleaning kennels for a local veterinarian, and your story brought back memories..
Gary
I always enjoy Kerry’s stories! He is so good at painting a picture with his words so that it’s like we were there, watching it happen. Thank you!
This is the greatest story!! I love it! When my sister and I were 10 and 11, we were out picking pickles, shearing pine trees and working in the fields with the migrant workers. When we got home at night, we learned to clean the toilet until it sparkled!! Didn’t hurt us at all and now, many years later, we have the greatest work ethic. Thank you for sharing this story. It is the best!!
I too picked cucumbers as a kid (they were later transformed into pickles). You returned home at the end of the day with a thousand small cuts–and a real appreciation for (1) those who routinely do that work and (2) the importance of doing well in school.
haHA!
that reminds me of my chinese buddy’s rationale (a second son who got less than the first, and whom i met in a research lab): “dyood! in china, you farm or you go to school; i didn’t want to be a farmer the rest of my life!”
My dad always said, “If you can’t clean the bathroom you shouldn’t be sitting in the boardroom.” He was a janitor (environmental service engineer) for most of his life and instilled in me that no job is beneath you and any job worth doing is worth doing well.
Sometimes you can’t clean the bathroom due to social norms. As a Coast GuardOfficer I had a private bathroom, but the first time I went to clean it a Chief Petty Officer told me that it wasn’t proper for a person of my standing to clean his own privy. So, agreeing with your dad, I learned to clean when everyone had gone home at the end of the day.
I’ve told my peers to respect the cleaning staff. Their job is (hard and) important.
“You try to run a productive project with no toilet paper in the bathroom.” is what I like to say.
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(And in my career, I can think of two projects where I brought toilet paper to work because the bathrooms tended to run out. It’s that important to me that my people have what they need to “get the job done.” And to get back to work after getting those other necessary “jobs” done. 😉 )
I feel exactly the same way as Kerry…and also wonder if I’m being hopelessly old-fashioned. Yet I think the ability to “do a repugnant job [that needs to be done] and doing it well” is actually an important life skill. My definition of adulthood is doing things you don’t want to do and doing them anyway.
Outstanding. And it produces a respect for ALL who work hard, regardless of whether it is in the board room or the bath room.
Dear Mr. Patterson,
Your essay moved me. My father, a veterinarian, pressed me into service at his practice when I was 12. I was trained as a kennel attendant and general janitor during the great canine parvovirus epidemic of the early 1980s that wiped out 25% of the world’s dog population. You can imagine the germ theory in such a setting. Dad’s single cleaning edict was that his practice was not to smell foul to our clients at any time, never a crinkled nose. Since then I have stayed in the veterinary world of work, now in management. To this day, one of the greatest compliments I hear from clients who grace our doors with their beloved pets exclaim, “It doesn’t smell like a vet clinic here.” All of those kind of compliments go directly to the meticulous cleaning crew. I regularly reply, “It is HARD WORK to make this place NOT smell like a veterinary clinic.”
Very good, Kerry. A good lesson and cleverly written – an amusing pleasure to read. I agree with the principle, too, but I don’t see many similar examples with today’s younger generations. Unfortunate, I think, for them.
Spot on, Kerry!
I am of a firm belief that what defines a person is his or her ability to take on ANY job and get the dirt under their finger nails. Not only does it create character and respect for people who are not sitting in their cushy, air conditioned offices, but it gives them tools in life, ability to save on plumbers, contractors, cleaning staff, etc., as well as healthy hobbies (gardening anyone?).
I was born and raised on a farm, shoveled lots of smelly stuff, harvested everything that the Earth gave us, watched calves being born, milked cows (no, veggies, meat and milk do NOT come from supermarkets!). I love my time in Manhattan, Paris, London, and many other great cities as well….
Great piece!!!
Grace Litak-Jaswinski
The great gift you can give a child is their own self sufficiency.
I learned like you did. From a mother who would explain, demonstrate, and then expect a return demonstration. I am grateful for a mother who taught me the importance of hard work and also the importance of keeping things clean. I can do both and do regularly now that we sometimes have to go in and clean my parents’ home due to age and ability. I’m glad to be able to return to her what she taught me.
It is not only leave you with hard working attitude but with respect to all levels of workers. I really appreciate this article.
Well summed-up Thoughts.
A home is judged by the way the Toilet is maintained, not necessarily by the trophies that one displays on the Study.
Finally, Mothers do prioritize hygiene over many other Life skills.
A familiar theme (Ecclesiastes famously wrote “Whatever it is in your power to do, do with all your might [9:10]) well illustrated through personal experience.
What Kerry’s got me thinking about is that in our mobile society, many successful people come from the poorer end and owe their success, at least in part, to the challenges they faced in those circumstances. Later in life, they want to impart those lessons to the next generation who are in different circumstances, due in part to the affluence attained.
For example, I learned the value of money growing up because my family didn’t have a lot of it, and had to make choices of how to spend it. Fortunately, I commonly don’t have to make similar choices. I still need to be careful about money, but at a higher level that is less apparent to my children. So, how do I communicate the lesson?
The method I have happened upon is to simply be arbitrary. For example, I’m in the grocery store with my child and they say “I want, I want, I want” and I say, you may choose *one* item. Not that I can’t afford to get them the five treats that they’ve requested, but that I want them to learn to make comparisons so that when they *have* to make a choice, they have experience with that type of decision.
I bring up this example not to “pat myself on the back” but to ask if anyone else has other ideas about how to transmit these types of universal ideas when the circumstances in which you learned them no longer exist or are relevant to the person you’re trying to educate. I think this is a common and important challenge that many of us face.