Dear Crucial Skills,

I’m already struggling to keep up with work, my kids’ activities, and basic household tasks. I feel like I’m drowning, and now with Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up, I’m dreading all the extra shopping, cooking, decorating, and family obligations. I don’t want to disappoint anyone, but I’m barely hanging on as it is. How can I handle it all without having a breakdown?

Signed,
Hot Mess

Dear Hot Mess,

My guess is that the most important thing for you right now would be clarity—being clear about what you need to be doing right now and what’s OK for you not to be doing right now. But you can only feel good about what you’re not doing when you know everything you’re not doing. Being productive is not about working harder or longer hours. It’s really about being appropriately engaged with all your commitments in work and life. When things are on your mind, it’s usually because you haven’t finished your thinking about them. Most to-do lists are still incomplete and unclear; and if so, they don’t provide much relief—they are just a reminder of all the things about which you still need to make decisions and organize.

There are some simple but powerful steps you can take to reduce your stress.

First, you need to capture everything pinging on you that has your attention. Just make that list. Little things, big things, personal stuff, work stuff—do the best you can to unload everything. Most professionals we have worked with, if they really want to capture everything nagging at their attention, require anywhere from one to six hours to do this!

Once you have your list, don’t prioritize or organize it just yet. Determine what most has your attention and identify the very next action needed to move it forward. The “next action” needs to be specific—what’s the first visible and physical activity necessary to make progress. And where does it happen? For example, “email Jose about the budget” or “order thank-you cards on the web” or “get cash at the ATM.”

And, if one action won’t complete your agreement with yourself, identify the desired outcome that would be the finish line—what we call a “project.” If I were in your shoes, I’d have projects like “Handle Thanksgiving” and “Manage Christmas.” The two key elements to getting things done are (1) What does “done” mean? And (2) What does “doing” look like and where does it happen? As simple as some of these projects might seem, having them all defined and on a single list goes a long way for gaining clarity. Don’t be surprised if you find you have more than thirty to-dos—most people do.

Review those at least weekly and determine what you need to do about each of them. You have obviously over-committed yourself psychologically; so, identify what you’re really committed to do, with clear next actions. One step at a time, and you’ll enjoy the holidays a lot more!

David