Dear Crucial Skills,
I have recently got a new interim chair leader and I’m struggling with his leadership style. The interim chair who hired me was a strong leader who listened and led with consideration for his team. My new interim chair is a top-down, hardline authoritarian and I’m having a difficult time in this new season. I have decided to start searching for new opportunities, but I want to be sure I have productive conversations with my new interim chair until I find something, and I want to ensure I “interview” my new potential leaders well so I don’t move from one toxic situation to another. Any suggestions?
Signed,
Moving On
Dear Moving On,
Let me start with a confession: I have been on both sides of this question. I have worked with leaders who I consider to be top-down, hardline authoritarians. There have also been times when the people I work with would have described me that way. I have learned from both experiences and am better for it.
As I consider your situation, first and foremost, you are right to leave a situation that is toxic, and only you can be the judge of that. We spend an inordinate amount of our lives at work, and we should all expect to be able to spend that time in a supportive, challenging, and respectful environment. Please don’t interpret anything I am about to share about working with “authoritarians” as pressure to stay in an unhealthy situation.
At the same time, there may be some hope for this relationship (I am ever the optimist when it comes to the human capacity to change) if you can learn to see differently. One of the central, and I think most helpful, concepts that comes from the Strength Deployment Inventory (SDI) is that the fastest way to change how people behave is to change how they see themselves and others. The SDI provides four views of a person: motives when things are going well, motives in conflict, strengths, and overdone strengths. The last two views are key for how you are seeing your interim chair.
Each of us relies on different interpersonal strengths—behaviors that help us build relationships and get the results we want. The SDI measures 28 of them. My top three strengths are quick-to-act, persuasive, and self-confident. (The people reading this who know me are all nodding their heads right now.)
The SDI also assesses our overdone strengths. These are the same 28 strengths taken to an extreme—used too often or too intensely. For example, quick-to-act (a strength) appears as rash when overdone. Self-confidence can show up as arrogance when overdone, and persuasive, when taken too far, becomes abrasive.
Here is why this matters. Whether a strength is overdone or not is entirely in the eye of the beholder. I can come into a meeting and think I am bringing my strengths to bear, showing up as decisive, confident, and forward-thinking. You could experience all that and conclude that I am overbearing, arrogant, and pushy. It doesn’t matter what my intent was; what matters is the impact on you.
As you think about your interim chair, ask yourself: why is she leading like this? It may be that her strengths are much like mine and her intent is to move quickly, drive change, and take action, all of which can be very positive things. She may be unaware of how you are experiencing her behavior. Or, it could be that this is what has worked for her in the past; after all, these may be the very behaviors that got her to the position she is in right now. Few people show up at work each day with an intent to crush the will and spirit of those they work with. That may be your experience, but I doubt that is listed as one of her annual goals.
If you can take a generous view of her motives, you will start to see her behavior in a new light. It doesn’t make it okay; it just makes it understandable. When we start to bring understanding rather than judgment to our relationships, they often improve.
A crucial part of this understanding relates to ourselves, not only others. Our personalities color the way we see others and experience their behavior. So, when I see others behaving in ways I wouldn’t, I tend to judge them more harshly.
Finally, as you search for a new role, recognize that you are really searching for a new leader. Ask questions of them and those they work with that will reveal both the leader’s strengths and overdone strengths. At the same time, recognize that your next leader will likely not be your last leader. Switching jobs may solve your immediate problem, but leaders have a way of coming and going. Learning how to strengthen the relationships we have is as valuable a skill as knowing when to leave a relationship.
All the best,
Emily
I collect quotes. Some come from the closing section of the Crucial Skills Newsletter. This one came from the above article, “When we start to bring understanding rather than judgment to our relationships, they often improve.” – Emily Gregory
Great article, thank you for addressing this topic. I do have one question regarding your comment “Finally, as you search for a new role, recognize that you are really searching for a new leader. Ask questions of them and those they work with that will reveal both the leader’s strengths and overdone strengths.”
What questions are best to ask when seeking out a new position with a new firm?
As the saying goes, “People don’t leave companies, they leave bad managers”
Intent is not more important than impact. Authoritarian leaders often insist, “It’s not personal — it’s business,” while the human cost of their leadership style is overlooked or dismissed.
I’ve watched this play out too many times, and I’ve been on the receiving end. Depending on the severity, recovering from a harmful management experience can take years. That’s not something people should be expected to “reframe” or tolerate. Top-down, authoritarian leadership can be deeply stifling, and in my experience, it rarely shifts enough to create an environment where people can truly thrive.
You can spend a lot of time trying to “understand the why,” but at the end of the day, the employee is usually the one expected to make all the adjustments. Leaders with hardline styles often don’t see a need to change—especially if that approach has worked for them in the past.
Life is too short to spend your workdays shrinking yourself to fit someone else’s rigidity. If the environment feels toxic or unsustainable, I think it’s wise to trust that instinct, stay professional while you’re there, and be intentional about interviewing future leaders so you don’t end up in the same situation again.
I also want to say this: I’m glad she recognizes that her mental health matters more than trying to force something to work. That takes self-awareness and courage. Spending constant energy managing an unhealthy leadership dynamic is exhausting, and that energy is better spent doing good work, staying productive, and protecting your peace.
There should be 2-Spaces after each period at the end of a sentence, not 1-space. That single spacing just irritates me while reading this article, a violation of English grammar. The New Generation and their short-cuts are ruining this country, along with not knowing how to write in cursive.
Otherwise, a good article on perspective and understanding from underling side. Although we would all like to hear how to address/approach the authoritarian issue with the Leader. I think it would be worth it to make this new Leader aware of how they are viewed, so they have a chance to make changes before you make the big leap to a different job. If you don’t see any changes after that conversation, then you know a move is probably best. Takes big stones to have that conversation, since the risk is greater that the reward. Those ladder climbing personalities don’t like to get knocked down a rung and be humbled.
“There should be 2-Spaces after each period at the end of a sentence, not 1-space.” Despite perhaps having been taught in typing classes 50 years ago, that is no longer true today. On the contrary, the use of one space is more likely to serve as a dead giveaway that the writer is “old.”
Personally, I always thought the two-space “requirement” was silly. I refused to adhere to it even back in the 70s.
This article explains the original rationale behind the two-space “rule” and why said rule is obsolete in the 21st century:
https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2011/01/why-you-should-never-ever-use-two-spaces-between-sentences/69579/
Is the spacing comment meant to be humorous? It’s fine to have a preference for double spaces after periods, but this is not a rule of English grammar. Furthermore, to quote the University of Ottawa:
“major style books such as the Harvard Style Guide, the Modern Language Association (MLA) style, the Chicago Manual of Style and The Canadian Style, specify that there should only be a single space after a concluding punctuation mark. This rule applies to English and French.”
Here are some links for you:
https://www.uottawa.ca/sites/g/files/bhrskd401/files/2022-07/spaces_en.pdf
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_sentence_spacing
https://www.grammarly.com/blog/punctuation-capitalization/spaces-after-period/
Is the spacing comment meant to be humorous? It’s fine to have a preference for double spaces after periods, but this is not a rule of English grammar. Furthermore, to quote the University of Ottawa:
“major style books such as the Harvard Style Guide, the Modern Language Association (MLA) style, the Chicago Manual of Style and The Canadian Style, specify that there should only be a single space after a concluding punctuation mark. This rule applies to English and French.”
“is totally, completely, utterly, and inarguably wrong,” Once I read this comment from the Atlantic article, I knew it would not add anything useful to the discussion. I know for sure that the type face on this web with one space after the period made this page harder to read. I’d be interested to see if any studies were done on have the extra space ever made it harder to read? I think more about the reader and will continue to add the extra space. The argument that it was done years ago for an outdated reason totally fails to see that there might be other good reasons when it is still helpful. Ok so a quick google produced the following – Yes, studies—most notably a 2018 study from Skidmore College—have examined this, finding that adding a second space after a period does not make it harder to read and may actually improve reading speed by roughly 3% for some, particularly those already accustomed to the habit.