Crucial Skills®

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Kerrying On

Border Guards

Unintended consequences—we’ve all experienced them. You have a well-intended idea, give it a whirl, and then something unpleasant results. For instance, you’re trying to assist a colleague at work and you end up slowing things down. Or perhaps you help a friend write code and insert a bug into the program. Or perhaps you point out that a new employee is doing something wrong and he ends up getting knocked out and dragged feet first down a half-dozen stairs while his head bangs on the cement steps. You know, stuff like that.

It was 1971 and I had just been put in charge of the clothing locker located at the Coast Guard’s boot camp in Alameda, California. It was our team’s job to outfit new recruits with their uniforms. This would have been fairly easy had it not been for one tiny problem. We weren’t the first to see the recruits. By the time we began our work with them, they were frightened to death. They would stand stiff and zombie-like and be fitted poorly. A few weeks later, many would have to return to be refitted which was time-consuming and expensive. If only we could encourage recruits to relax—be less zombie, more Gumby.

So I suggested to my boss that we stop the traditional practice of forcing initiates to strip down and stand unclothed at the beginning of the fitting. From my boss’s reaction, you would have thought I had suggested that we have the recruits put on prom dresses and dance with velociraptors.

“Not stand naked?” my boss exclaimed. “Why, it’s tradition! If you want to build men, first you have to tear them down. What better way than through humiliation?”

“But it’s hard to measure and fit them accurately when they’re humiliated and nervous,” I explained. “What if we find a way to make the recruits laugh? You know, tell a joke or something.” So it became part of my job to “do something” to make the recruits laugh.

To get a feel for the humor quotient of the recruit audience we faced every week, consider what they did the five days before they marched into the clothing locker. From sunup to midnight, boot-pushers screamed at them nose-to-nose while calling them flattering nicknames like “maggot” and “puke.” Sometimes they were even marched into the estuary, rifles held over their heads, until someone nearly drowned.

As the next group of recruits dragged their terrified selves into the clothing locker, I was all set to tell a joke to get them to laugh, relax, forget their recent brush with death, and be easily measured. Luckily, an opportunity presented itself within minutes. As the platoon of sixty young men stood there sans clothing, I noticed that one of them was starting to put on his newly issued undershorts backwards. Seizing the moment, I pointed out that the fellow in question didn’t even know how to put on skivvies! Ha, ha, wasn’t that a real stitch!

Fifty-nine pairs of eyes darted to the singled-out trainee—as if staring at a prisoner climbing the gallows. The boot-pusher who had been training them ran over to the skivvy-confused recruit and pushed him so hard that the recruit fell backwards and knocked his head on the cement floor. He was out like a light. A few minutes later, when the medical team arrived, they saw that the injured party was “only a recruit,” so they grabbed the unconscious fellow by his feet, dragged him across the room and down the cement stairs—head thumping all the way.

Good intentions—bad outcome. I had wanted frightened initiates to relax but ended up putting a fellow in the infirmary. Fortunately, the young man quickly recovered and graduated with his unit, but the remaining guys in his platoon didn’t exactly relax. Watching their colleague’s head bounce down the stairs didn’t have the calming effect I was hoping for.

Our ultimate goal for changing the outfitting experience had been to turn the clothing locker into a safe haven. This was not simply for measurement purposes, but because none of us working there wanted to contribute to the harsh treatment that was central to recruit training. We had all experienced it, hated it, and hadn’t bought into the notion that recruits needed to be broken before they could be shaped into men. Pushing recruits to the limit—that was all okay—but abuse wasn’t.

We also knew we couldn’t change the entire boot camp experience by ourselves. Nevertheless, we figured we could at least create a refuge where individuals were treated respectfully. We could stand at the border between the clothing locker and the rest of the base, and do our best to maintain a professional and respectful atmosphere.

Sadly, I didn’t know how to be a border guard. But for the next year I was determined to learn how. Over time, I discovered dozens of methods that allowed me to be an effective border guard. And eventually we were successful in creating a safe clothing locker.

Most of us assume the role of border guard more often than we might think. As parents, we refuse to embrace some of our own parents’ bad habits, which is good news for our kids. We do the same at work. We refuse to use guilt, threats, or looks of disgust to motivate. We filter out the bad and nurture the good.

But doing so isn’t easy. Border guards frequently question their efforts. Can they really make a difference without any formal authority or power? And what if lots of people around them act in unhealthy ways? Can they have an impact? What if their efforts to make improvements actually create problems?

The good news is, border guards make change possible. Organizations don’t change one morning when 1,200 people awake and—voilà—simultaneously start acting differently. Changes typically take place in small groups that are led by leaders (formal or informal) who play the role of border guard. In fact, that’s how the Coast Guard’s boot camp was eventually transformed into an organization that now leads the country in human performance technology.

As a final note—sometimes the borders you defend are small yet extraordinarily important. For instance, your ex-spouse or current life partner routinely chooses abuse over dialogue. Yet you refuse to respond in kind. You’re trying to create a haven for yourself and your children—not a toxic holding tank. And it’s hard. You don’t have control of others’ behaviors—just your own. You may feel hopeless and outnumbered.

Yet you still stand watch.

Fortunately, you aren’t alone and it isn’t hopeless. There are thousands of border guards out there who do their best to transform their homes, work groups, and companies into healthy harbors—and the world benefits from their tireless efforts. I heartily applaud those of you who have a vision of what you believe your family and work culture can and should be, the courage to defend it, and the savvy to make it happen. I congratulate you for standing at the border between your hopeful haven and the harmful world around you and boldly proclaim, “Not on my watch!”

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13 thoughts on “Border Guards”

  1. Grizzly Bear Mom

    But what if you WANT to dance with a velociraptor in a prom dress and knock yourself out cold and have your head repeatedly hit against the pavement as your are dragged down the stairs by your feet?

  2. ELK

    Thank you. This blog was encouraging because often there is no one to acknowledge the work of the border guard and the work that helps change happen.

  3. Laura

    I always enjoy reading your stories and how they relate back to change. Thank you for sharing your personal stories with me/us, your readers.

  4. JaLynn

    This article addresses the challenges I am currently facing at work. Our organization is undergoing significant but necessary cultural and strategic changes, and the first round of efforts to make those changes happen was inflicted on staff in a way that has caused an increasingly high level of resentment and resistance to subsequent efforts. I have found myself thrust in the midst of this resentment and it has negatively impacted both my work and, even worse, my attitude. Although I have been working hard to guard my small borders within the organization it has been difficult to ward off discouragement lately. I have been asking myself many of the same questions that are captured in this article. Thank you for the much-needed words of encouragement to keep forging ahead and assurance that, with hard work and perseverance, I might actually be able to make a difference.

  5. Lee

    Thank you for the encouragement. Not everything works the first time, but it’s good to try, try and try again. We learn by experience and Grace.

  6. Lynn Sanner

    Thank you, Kerry. This is exactly what I needed to hear this month.

  7. Iris

    Fantastic article. Change happens incrementally…and sometimes we are not around to see the ultimate result. But we must carry on and contribute to the gradual process and have faith that a little seed planted will eventually merge with other seeds and yield a great garden everyone can benefit from. It’s an uphill battle for many of us. Thanks so much for the encouragement.

  8. Doug Thomas

    Thank you Kerry, I enjoy your articles that are always insightful and this one is no exception! It also brings back memories of Coast Guard boot camp in Cape May NJ. Thanks again!

  9. adrianscrazylife

    Thank you for that reminder. I have been in many situations where I didn’t feel included or valued, so I go out of my way to be inclusive in any way I can. I am a female leader in a mostly male Boy Scout troop that is very welcoming of new boys, but not so much the new parents, particularly the mothers. So I go out of my way to greet them with a big smile, answer any questions, make sure they get added to our Email list, and do what I can to make them feel welcome. And lately I’ve noticed some of the other leaders doing the same. Hopefully my “border guard” attitude is rubbing off on them.

  10. Steve Acevedo

    I get the Crucial Skills emails regularly. Whenever I see it’s one from Kerry Patterson, I get a big smile on my face and read the message right then. Mr. Patterson, you never fail to amuse and inspire me. Thanks for the gift you are.

  11. Robbie Fielder

    Thank you for this great article. My husband and I enjoy the way you write as well as what you write and look forward to it!!! Sincerely, Robbie

  12. torri

    Kerry, having had a horrible childhood, I decided that nothing like that would happen to my boys “on my watch”. I married a good man who was also a good dad. I read, attended many parenting classes and prayed with all my heart and soul. I wasn’t perfect but I’m grateful to report that the bad things that happened daily to me didn’t get repeated with my kids. I know God helped me, I couldn’t have done it otherwise. You are a great man and I appreciate this reminder that bad things won’t happen to others “on my watch” because I will continue to stick up for anyone I see being abused. My husband jokingly tells me I will come away with a broken nose some day. (While standing up for children in public.) I’ve told him I will wear that broken nose with pride. Thanks so much for who you are.

  13. Ankita

    Thank you for this post. It rang so true. I am truly grateful for people like you who give a face to the faceless challenges we face and overcome everyday.

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