Dear Crucial Skills,
I work with someone who seems to rely on AI for almost everything. Emails, assignments, and even simple brainstorming sessions feel like they’re coming from a chatbot rather than from them.
At first, I thought they were just trying to be efficient, but now I’m starting to question their competence. I’m not sure how much of their work they actually understand or what they actually think. It’s also becoming harder to trust their judgment. And it’s affecting our relationship because interactions don’t feel authentic anymore.
We’re encouraged to use AI here at work, so how do I talk to a colleague about their dependence on it without sounding judgmental or accusing them of being incapable?
Signed,
A Real Human
Dear Human,
Thank you for your timely question. Ironically, we just filmed a short video series highlighting this challenge. Our main character queries AI on everything from how to respond to their manager’s feedback to how to contribute intelligently in meetings to how to manage their direct report’s performance. The concluding sentiment is that while AI might give you good ideas and information, it simply can’t have the Crucial Conversations for you. In this age of advanced technology, humans—and human skills—are still required. (You can watch our videos now.)
And our videos aren’t the only evidence that your concern is growing increasingly common. We’ve now lived with AI long enough that we can get a clearer picture of how it’s impacting us.
The latest research suggests we’re more accepting of AI for analytical tasks than for situations where we expect human judgment, personalization, or understanding. Specifically, when it comes to moments of discretion, wisdom, coaching, or leadership building, we distrust AI and we prefer a human.
It seems obvious. And yet you and so many others are working alongside people who’ve overlooked the fact that genuine human connection and interaction still reign supreme. Research has long confirmed that what keeps us grounded and engaged is our interactions with other humans. A foundational study called “The Need to Belong” by Baumeister & Leary concluded that people need frequent positive interactions, enduring relationships, and mutual concern and care. When those social needs are not met, they experience poorer mental, emotional, and even physical health.
So, how do you share your concern with your AI-dependent colleagues? What can you say to make it clear that their tendency to default to AI is impacting you and others negatively? As is often the case, the best way is with a conversation. And if you use a few Crucial Conversations skills you’ll be able to have this conversation in a way that doesn’t come off as judgmental or accusatory. Here are a few skills you can use.
Master Your Story
The best way to master your story is to ask yourself the humanizing question: “Why would a reasonable, rational person act this way?” Resist the urge to assume your colleague is lazy or incompetent. Instead consider there might be other forces at work. For example, we have been encouraged to learn and use AI at work and I’m sure others are feeling this same pressure from their leaders. Maybe your colleague assumes this level of AI use is what is expected of them and a lack of clear organizational guidelines is perpetuating the problem. Maybe all that’s required is simply letting them know how their AI-usage is being perceived so they can self-correct.
The use of the word “maybe” indicates you don’t have all the facts. You don’t know that your colleague is incompetent. You just know that their behavior is causing you to question their competence. If you stay curious and resist the urge to tell yourself an ugly story, you’ll set yourself up for productive dialogue.
Start With Heart
Once you’ve mastered your story, next figure out what it is that you want from the conversation—for yourself, your colleague, and the relationship? Do you want them to stop using AI? Probably not. It’s more likely that you want to trust their judgment, hear their ideas, and feel like you’re working with them rather than with their AI assistant.
Understanding what you want out of the relationship is essential to driving the conversation. If you stay anchored to these motives, then even when the conversation gets rocky, you can find your way back to positive, genuine intentions.
Engage in Curious Dialogue
After, and only after careful preparation, are you ready to have the conversation. I encourage you to review the full set of skills for having a productive Crucial Conversation in our book and course, but ultimately, you’ll want to begin the conversation by tentatively sharing your concern and asking if they’d be open to discussing it with you. Keep the tone light, leaving room to both be proven wrong about your assumptions and hear a different perspective. You might say, “Could we discuss how we are using AI to work together? I’d love to hear your thoughts and maybe even set some guidelines that work for both of us.”
Share Facts and Natural Consequences
I’ll borrow a skill from Crucial Conversations for Accountability, and that is to share natural consequences of their behavior. Again, they might think they’re using AI just as prescribed and don’t have a reason to act differently until they understand how their approach is impacting their relationships or reputation. Don’t say they are doing it all wrong or allude to their intentions being nefarious. Instead share how the way they are using AI is affecting you and others in ways they probably don’t see.
In addition, as you share those consequences, be sure to stick to the facts of what you’ve observed rather than your conclusions about what you think they mean. This will allow you to be direct in your feedback. For example, “I’ve noticed that when we’re brainstorming or working through an issue, you often turn to AI before sharing your own thinking. I’ve realized it’s left me wondering what you think and, at times, questioning how much confidence I should put in the work. I don’t want to make assumptions, so I’d like to understand how you think about it.”
Explore their Path
Once you’ve tentatively shared your concerns, it’s now their turn to add meaning. Be open to hearing their side of the story and maybe you’ll get better insight into why they are leaning so heavily into AI. Perhaps there are some skill gaps they are trying to fill with AI and if that’s the case, use that information to support them rather than punish them.
AI isn’t going away, nor should it. It can help us generate ideas, challenge our thinking, and work more efficiently. But when its use begins to interfere with trust, judgment, or connection, that’s worth talking about. Good luck in your Crucial Conversation.
Brittney
