Dear Crucial Skills,

I’m a structural engineer with six years of experience, and I recently joined a smaller firm where I’m one of only two engineers. At my previous firms, I was encouraged to contribute to improving well-established systems and processes. At this new firm, many practices feel outdated, but I’m unsure how to share my insights without coming across as critical or disruptive. How can I approach this conversation in a way that’s constructive and collaborative?

Signed,
Fix-It Engineer

Dear Fix-it Engineer,

Twenty-seven words. I love the last 27 words of your message and would suggest that, with just a small preface, they are the perfect words to use to start your conversation. Here is why.

When relationships are new (or strained), it is incredibly helpful to have a process conversation in which we discuss how we want to discuss things. These conversations tend to be less risky because nobody is giving critical feedback, and they lay the groundwork for future, riskier conversations. They also become a touchstone that we can come back to in future conversations when things get tough. For example, “Remember when we talked about how we wanted to hold these conversations, and we agreed to listen to each other?”

I suggest you have a conversation with your team lead or another senior member of the team. Here is what I suggest adding to your 27 words:

“I’d like to get your advice on something. I am happy to be here and want to contribute in ways that draw on my previous experience. I have some ideas that I think could help move us forward. (Then add your last 27 words.) I’m unsure how to share my insights without coming across as critical or disruptive. How can I approach these conversations in a way that is constructive and collaborative?”

Then just stop and listen.

When you take the time to have this kind of process conversation, you are doing two things at once:

• You let the person know you have ideas to contribute.
• You show respect for the current team members and practices.

Striking this balance of candor and respect is a great foundation for all relationships. My guess is they will likely welcome your suggestions. After all, presumably they hired you for your expertise.

Best,
Emily